“No One Ever Told Me That Grief Felt So Like Fear”
Bereavement Doula and Traumatic Birth Recovery
BEREAVEMENT DOULA : Like a traditional birth doula, I am here to provide physical, emotional and informational support during labour and birth, but have special training in perinatal loss.
A Bereavement Doula will work with parents to honour this birth and help them make decisions based on their unique values, beliefs, and preferences. With realistic optimism, as your Bereavement Doula, I will explain what is happening, what is about to happen, and what could happen. More importantly, Bereavement Doulas have a passion to work with families and support you through this journey with both empathy and privacy in order to grieve.
I have fulfilled all necessary requirements as set out by:
Supporting Baby Loss & Miscarriage (Traumatic Birth Recovery)
COPE - Centre of Perinatal Excellence
*** FOR DOWNLOADABLE MISCARRIAGE SUPPORT GUIDE CLICK here
For Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Aotearoa (PADA) click here
birth trauma
How to recognise the signs…..
Most adults can say they have had exposure to at least one traumatic event in their life. Although any woman can experience a traumatic birth experience, it is much more likely to be a traumatic experience if the individual has experienced a history of sexual abuse and/or rape. It is even more likely that they will experience PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).
What can be considered routine and a good outcome for your medical and support team can be a completely different outcome to how you feel in your own mind and body. Let’s explore more.
What Can Cause A Traumatic Experience?
A medical emergency which could be an instrumental birth (ventouse/forceps), emergency caesarean, medical events during labour and birth e.g. reactions to epidural or shoulder dystocia (baby’s shoulder/s gets stuck inside mother’ pelvis during birth)
Delayed access to pain relief after request has been made
Feeling like you have not been listened to, your wishes have been dismissed
Inadequate information about how your labour and birth is/was progressing
Being spoken down to by anyone in your support/medical team
Your environment made you feel scared and/or worried
Not knowing what to expect (lack of/no antenatal preparation)
Post birth complications - postpartum hemorrhage, episiotomy, tearing, difficulties in establishing breastfeeding, pain and discomfort following vaginal or caesarean birth
Your Birth experience is more likely to be perceived as being traumatic for you when:
You may not be able to stop thinking about the event
You were and still are intensely emotional when thinking about your birth experience
You are unable to remember the entire experience and feel you need to have all the pieces of the puzzle
You felt you had no voice in your birth experience, your desires were dismissed
Unexpected turn of events - an emergency or unexpected turn in your birth experience has left you bewildered, dismayed, confused, angry
The Flow On Effect of A Mother How Has Experienced Birth Trauma is that it does not just affect the one individual. It affects the partner or support person too. Left unresolved, trauma that the mother carries with her can affect her relationship with her partner and other siblings too.
Read: Birth Trauma is real and we need to start talking about it: https://thespinoff.co.nz/parenting/27-10-2016/birth-trauma-is-real-and-we-need-to-start-talking-about-it/
What to do next? Recovering from Birth Trauma - Helpful Resources:
Visit TABS http://www.tabs.org.nz/
Visit PADA https://pada.nz/
www.depression.org.nz
Depression website with John Kirwan
www.mentalhealth.org.nz
Mental Health Foundation website
www.kidzneeddadz.org.nz
Auckland, Wellington Christchurch based support for Fathers
www.littleshadow.org.nz
Low cost counselling, resources, group therapy
http://mothershelpers.co.nz
Providing support for mothers with ante-natal and postnatal anxiety and depression. Also provide Perinatal Depression Recovery course.
http://learnonline.health.nz
Perinatal mental health education video for health professionals, featuring real women and whānau speaking about their experiences and what helped. Register online to create your own Login.
skylight.org.nz
National trust supporting children, young people, and whānau to navigate through times of trauma
www.supportingfamilies.org.nz
Supporting families in Mental Illness, regional supports
My Birth Story
Helping you rewrite your birth story. If you or a loved one have had a negative or traumatic birth experience, My Birth Story is a place where you can start to process your experience and begin to heal.
Voices for Parents
The fallout from a difficult or traumatic birth can leave new parents struggling with feelings of deep sadness, guilt, anxiety and regret, and battling to find the right support. Voice For Parents are available to here to support you and your family.
Baby Loss Support
www.miscarriagesupport.org.nz
Support website for families experiencing miscarriage in Aotearoa New Zealand.
www.sands.org.nz
Support for bereaved families, parents and whānau in Aotearoa New Zealand.
Watch here Recovering from a traumatic birth - real life experience
Read more about COPE (Centre for Perinatal Excellence) here
Personal Story:
In May 2021, I was deeply saddened BUT privileged to provide Birth Doula support to a mother to be while she gave birth to her son Noah - born sleeping at 37 weeks. Born surrounded by love (husband, best friend and great team of midwives), the experience was deeply moving in so many ways. There were many tears, but so much love for the couple who were experiencing this loss the most. Read more here for her story: https://stillbirthfoundation.org.au/stories/my-noah-changing-the-world-in-so-many-ways/
FOR HEALTH PROFESSIONALS: Need extra support for your clients?
Please refer via angela@bespokebirths.co.nz
Click here for FAQ’s including disclaimer and further information
“You were unsure which pain is worse - the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will”
WATCH: My Dream Died, Now What? Lynette Lewis TED x talk watch here
Purchase Downloadable Healing Birth Trauma from Within here: https://hypnobirthing.com.au/shop/healing-birth-trauma-from-within-guided-meditation/
This guided meditation is a must have for anyone who has had a difficult and/or traumatic birth experience and would like to find some inner peace. “This beautiful album will help you to release and let go of the negative association and emotions that you may be carrying as a result of your experience.
Whether you have recently birthed, or you have been holding onto your birth experience for years, or decades, allow yourself to be transported on a journey into a beautiful forest scene where you are able to safely review your birth experience with the ‘wise women’ and gently let go of the emotional baggage that you have accumulated. Deeply relaxing and deeply healing , you can listen to it again and again and have a different healing experience each time” (HypnoBirthing International, 2021)
Disclaimer: The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this website are for informational purposes only. The purpose of this website is to promote broad consumer understanding and knowledge of various holistic health & Birth support topics. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before undertaking a new health care regimen, and never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website.